Vergin' on the Ridiculous

Virgin media person,
Please explain to me why I can not email the customer service department of my ISP? This is utterly stupid not to mention downright inconvenient. I know I can call your customer service / support department but to be honest, they're of little use and here's why -

Firstly, I have to answer a number of  data protection questions which are allegedly for my own protection, but are more than likely for your protection and not mine. If I only had to answer these questions once, it would not be so bad but due to the telephone operators complete lack of any discernible skills in speaking the English Language, I have not only to ask them to repeat what they are saying at least three times, but they in turn have to ask me to repeat what I am saying at least three times. I'm no expert at maths, but by my reckoning this is equivalent to conducting six very frustrating conversations back to back and I'll be honest - I simply do not have the patience for it.
Secondly, you do not publish any geographic telephone numbers - they are all 0845, 0333 or the like. If you are going to insist on using non geographic numbers then perhaps you could ensure that they are all 0800 / 0300 free phone numbers as like most of the population, I work for a living and have to contact you during my lunch hour, on my mobile, the provider of which charges an extortionate amount of money for every minute of said call which on account of the multitude of annoying menu choices I have to make once the call has been answered are quite considerable - it could easily cost me several pounds before I even get to speak to anyone. Free phone numbers would make this a lot easier as my employers would not object to my using their phone.
Thirdly, Once I finally manage to speak to someone, it becomes abundantly clear that they have no idea what a router,modem or hub actually is and insist on calling the box you have provided me a 'super hub'. Whilst I appreciate that is what your marketing department have decided to call it, I can assure you there is nothing super about it - it is the most dreadful and feature barren piece of equipment I have ever had the misfortune of being forced to use. Attempting to explain to the operator that I was over three miles away and  most certainly would not be able to tell them what lights were currently flashing was met with varying degrees of success. After initially thinking that I'd made my self understood, the conversation went back to the beginning again. There was no hint of understanding that logically there either must be something fundamentally wrong with this so-called "super-hub" or that your engineers may have been doing work further down the line in my area. The fact that nothing at all had changed between last night where netflix was happily running on my AppleTV and this morning when nothing at all was accessible apparently meant nothing. The best the operator could muster was that perhaps the cable had fallen out. Now, you know as well as I do that the cable modem is attached to the cable with a screw mechanism and it would require either a very hungry (and presumably rather dim) rodent chewing through the cable to sever it or a tug-of-war team of olympic skill to remove the cable. Of course I could have removed it myself, but my assurances that this was not the case appeared to fall on deaf ears.

I should probably explain at this point that I work in the IT sector and not only do I know what routers, switches, modems and hubs actually are (hence my assertion that in addition to your super hub being as far from "super" as it is physically possible to be,  it is in fact not a hub at all and is at best a mediocre wireless router with a range of about 10 cm.) but I also know how to set them up and troubleshoot them (at least up to the point where it is clear that something is very wrong with either the router/modem or there is something very wrong with the network external to my home).

It would be helpful if your website were a bit more forthcoming in stating that your customers can expect no help at all if they are not standing right next to the equipment that is responsible for delivering the service which is not working - I would have saved myself a frustrating phone call and would probably not have felt the need to research the alternatives to Virgin Media.